


Don't Be Sorry

by VanillaMostly



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, Gen, MI:6 Fallout spoilers, POV Minor Character, bittersweet relationship closures, i just got so many feels from watching an action movie like wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22472725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanillaMostly/pseuds/VanillaMostly
Summary: "In all the years that I've known Ethan he's only been serious about two women. One was his wife."
Relationships: Ethan Hunt/Julia Meade
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Don't Be Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own.  
> Quotes by Luther, taken from Mission Impossible 6: Fallout  
> References to MI3 and 4

**_They were happy for a while._ **

After Shanghai, after all that happened, Julia thought things were going to be okay. In a way she felt closer to Ethan than she did before. She was finally allowed into his world, and now she understood what it was that had stood between them. And she was more grateful than anything that she was still alive, and so was Ethan, and if she had to she would kill those men all over again if it meant it would save her husband.

Of course things weren’t completely perfect - she was sleeping poorly now, constantly looking over her shoulder, and keeping secrets from her closest friends - but she had Ethan, and he had her, and as long as they had each other they would get through it. That was what she believed.

**_Who’s watching the world while Ethan is watching me?_ **

She liked to travel before Ethan. That was how they met, after all. But that was traveling for fun, backpacking through Europe and zip-lining in Peru, as blissful and carefree as an American tourist can be.

It was different now with Ethan.

He had retired from the field, and for a while it seemed that they could settle into their two-story house on the cul-de-sac and maybe get a dog and a Volvo, the whole package, but the day came when she got home and saw that look on Ethan’s face.

“We have to leave?” she asked, but she already knew the answer.

“I’m sorry, Jules,” he said, not for the first or last time. She would get tired of it, but right then she was still trying to be strong.

“Okay,” she said with a smile. She told herself it would be an adventure, and they would still be together.

At first they managed to keep within the States, so she could still see her family on holidays, but before she knew it she found herself in places like Turkey and South Africa and Thailand. Eventually she gave up applying for long-term jobs at hospitals and joined a locum tenens agency. They often had to avoid big cities. It was an adjustment and it was sometimes lonely.

But she still thought it was going to be okay.

All it took was his hand, reaching over to hold hers as they laid side by side at night. The simple pleasures, like a starlit clear sky, or a breathtaking sunrise… made it all somehow enough.

**_Deep down they both knew…_ **

There was no single breaking point. No dramatic exit. It was just all the little pieces that wore her down, one by one.

She missed her brother’s wedding. She was a stranger to her niece. She could only speak to her mother through the phone, and she had to hold back tears each time her mother asked for her to come home.

Even though she still had her work, there were limitations. She couldn’t get close to anyone. There were men and women she would love to be friends with, but she always had to remember to distance herself.

Even with Ethan by her side, the sweetest peace and quiet was still so fragile. After every close call and escape, the two of them were always waiting for the next danger, the next shadow. They never talked about it, but they felt it.

She saw it all wearing down Ethan, too. He wouldn’t want her to know, he wouldn’t want her to be sad, but she’d catch the tension in his shoulders and the lines of his face. He would never blame her; he always blamed himself. He didn’t understand that this was what she hated most - that he was sorry. Because she never, ever wanted him to be sorry for marrying her. She never wanted to be anyone’s mistake, anyone’s burden.

When it was time to say goodbye, neither of them could say it out loud. They just held onto each other in a long stretch of silence.

**_She’s a ghost._ **

It didn’t take long for her to realize she could never return to life before Ethan.

She was back in the States, but it came at a price. Everyone she wanted to see and share her life with thought she was dead. Luther said it would not be forever. One day it would be safe enough. He told her not to lose faith.

She agreed, but she didn’t tell Luther that she secretly mailed her brother, the smartest one in their family, an anonymous card every Christmas. If Luther knew, he didn’t say anything.

Every night, she turned on the TV to the news, and although she never glimpsed or heard mention of Ethan and his team, it was comforting.

She sometimes wondered if he was thinking of her, or if he was watching. In Seattle she saw him once, across the water. He looked good. She hoped that he thought she looked good, too.

It was this reminder, that Ethan was out there, doing what he did best, risking his life over and over for people who didn’t even know he existed… It was this reminder that pushed her to do something big with her life. She had this opportunity to start over, didn’t she? Not everyone had that chance. So she applied for medical school. She joined the MSF. If Ethan was watching somewhere out there, she wanted to show him she was doing great. He didn’t have to worry about her. The rest of the world still needed him, but she didn’t anymore.

**_And that keeps him going._ **

She never thought she would fall for anyone else again. For one thing, you had to be close to someone first, to open up to them, and she was so used to guarding herself and her secrets and questioning every stranger’s motive.

And there was still Ethan. It had been many years since they’d divorced, since they had last met, but their breakup had been under unusual circumstances. If she could hate him, maybe it would be easier, but of course she couldn’t hate Ethan any more than she could forget him.

Moments of guilt would snag at her moments of happiness. Guilt that went both ways. She owed the new man in her life a clean slate - but that simply wasn’t possible. She didn’t owe Ethan anything, but a part of her still felt like moving on so easily was almost a betrayal. Maybe that was why she couldn’t tell Ethan about the engagement. She only told Luther and very cowardly hoped that he would relay the message.

She hadn’t expected to see Ethan again - and the last place on Earth she expected that was Kashmir - but, somehow, it was exactly right. She wanted the reassurance, although she was not obliged one, that their decision to go their separate ways was as good for him as it was for her. And in Kashmir she received it.

Because this time, when he looked at her, she knew he would not be sorry for her again. No more guilt, no more regret. He was just... content. So was she.

As Julia left the tent, she glanced back at Ethan lying on the bed, wounded but smiling, surrounded by his friends. She smiled, too, a smile just to herself.

_Thank you, Ethan,_ she thought. She walked back to her new husband.


End file.
